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Penguins
Penguins, also known as Antarctic Jews or 'Timmissat Aammik Imertartut '(Judeo-Snownegrotic: כושוני שלג) are one of the oldest groups of Jews outside of Israel, with roots dating to the time of the Babylonian Exile. The Penguins had originally settled in Denmark, then moved to Grønland, and from there to Antarctica, where they are believed to have established an underground civilisation. After their integration to Grønlandic society, Penguins began to lose their connection to Jewish traditions, largely because of the Snowniggers' inability to read. Remains of their traditions, such as dietary laws, were passed on through oral tradition. Because no animals on Antarctica are kosher, the Penguins have been starving for nearly 2,000 years. The lack of igloos on Antarctica has led many to believe that the Penguins have built a metropolis below the surface of the continent. This city is said to house the largest synagogue in the Southern Hemisphere, and the large amount of snow in the area also seems to suggest this city has good healthcare. Ever since the discovery of Antarctica by Palestinian explorers in 2006, scientists have been drilling the icy surface of the continent, but have yet to find the city. The Penguins' beak is mostly attributed to their Jewish origins, due to the large protrusion found above the mouths of most Jews, used for tracking Christian blood. Some have linked the beak to their Inuit heritage (which was mainly "spread" to them through sexual assault during pogroms), supporting the theory suggesting Inuits have evolved from birds, specifically vultures (which explains their fondness for raw flesh). Recent DNA tests conducted in the University of New Nuuk have confirmed Penguins to be genetically identical to Jews. This discovery has led many Penguins to convert to Judaism and migrate to Israel. Several deaths have been linked to the conversion process, specifically the Brit Milah, because of inexperienced Penguins attempting to circumcise themselves with ulus. Many of them underestimate the sharpness of the ulu, slash their penile veins, and consequentially bleed out, often to death. Before their arrival to Grønland, the Penguins had a large community in Denmark. They were originally exiled to Denmark by the Babylonians, and stayed there after the publication of the Cyrus Cylinder, claiming that they "cannot trust a sandnigger". They have led peaceful lives in Denmark and were not harassed by the locals (which the Penguins describe in their texts as "those who sit on trees, throwing rocks at squirrels"). From 1234 BS and onwards, they opened banks and media outlets in Denmark, gaining social and economical prominence. When Denmark became a Christian nation at 0 AD following the birth of Jesus Christ, it banished roughly half of its Jewish population (estimated to be around 1 China) to Grønland. The remaining half of the Jewish community stayed in the Denmark for one week, before disappearing entirely overnight. When asked about their disappearance,'' ''Skjöldr, the First King of Denmark, has stated he "don't know nothin". The Penguins banished to Grønland have quietly assimilated into the local population, and were promised protection from seals and antisemites on weekends in exchange for a poll tax paid to the Emperor of Grønland. As religious tensions rose in Grønland, the poll tax was raised to two snowballs per Penguin. Unable to pay their taxes, the Penguins lost their protection, and one of their towns, Notsuaq, was sacked by seals. The surviving Penguins fled Grønland using floating elongated platforms, and headed towards Antarctica. Unlike their northern brethren, the Penguins are not able to fend off seals, and are not able to consume their flesh for sustenance for religious reasons. This has made survival in Antarctica very difficult, prompting many of the Penguins to convert to Puisism. Although they are proficient in GSN, Penguins also speak their own dialect, Judeo-Snownegrotic (also known as Lesser Lesser Snownegrotic). Penguins caught speaking this language in Israel are beaten to near death by Ashkenazi Jews and have their children stolen from them.